What Matters Mondays – September 12, 2016

September 13th, 2016 by admin Leave a Comment

Values…they keep teaching me the best darn lessons! So let me tell you one of my honest truths…watching my kids play sports can be one of my greatest triggers. I love it but it also triggers all the ugly stuff in me. It triggers so much from my own childhood – my need to be the best, my fear of not being the best (AKA being the bench warmer), my need to complain and get mad when I wasn’t the best, all my own crappy stuff that I struggled with growing up. But here’s the truth…my kids are not me! When I did their values with them it was very evident that achievement and being the best in sport was not their thing. This has been the greatest blessing and my kids have been my greatest teachers.

It’s something I will likely always struggle with, but thanks to the work we have all done with values, I get curious instead of mad, and I try not to pretend that they are me and that they will share my feelings and my struggles. I really try to see what matters to them.

Last weekend, my oldest son was playing fall baseball in a double header on a new team. For starters…who wants to play baseball for 7 hours? But that’s beside the point. I made an assumption that fall baseball was going to be your average ball player who wanted to have some fun. What I quickly realized was that the kids in white pants are rep players and the kids in gray pants are house league players. Well, my son was one of two kids on his team in gray pants. This seems ridiculous but I felt nervous when I realized that fact. My old self, the one that rears it’s ugly head from time to time, was nervous for him. So the game started and he was near the bottom of the batting order, and he sat on the bench for the first two innings that the boys took the field.

But rather than do what I used to do which is get mad and feel sad for him…I watched him. I got curious about how he was handling it all. And not surprisingly, he didn’t look the least bit disappointed. He was high fiving the kids, laughing, talking with the coaches…and I felt so proud of him. This was not an issue for him.

When we got in the car after the games, I told him how proud I was to be his mom. I told him that he is the best teammate anyone could have. Then I asked him what values are on his list that allow him to be so great on a team. His response was, “I have a few values that make teams awesome for me – OPTIMISM, FRIENDSHIP and INCLUSION. He said he always knows that he can get better and learn from such strong athletes – optimism. He said that it is such a great group of kids who he loves being around. He spoke volumes about how funny they all are – friendship. And most importantly, he spoke about the privilege of being included on a team no matter what role he is given – inclusion.

The rest of the car ride home we laughed and talked about other things. He had a great day!

So often as parents, we get caught up in ego. Values will bring you back to reality. Values will connect you with what matters for your child. Values will remind you that they are NOT you. Values will keep you from being triggered and staying stuck in that place.

I am doing my best every single day to stay authentic, to be imperfect, to be an example to my kids…living in alignment with my values and giving my kids permission to live in alignment with theirs is what grounds all of us.

Does your ego get caught up in your child’s life at times? Can you look at the situation through their values’ lens? You may see that it’s exactly as it’s meant to be!

If you want to do some values work with your family, check out my new What Matters values workbook. It’s a simple step by step process to finding your key values, living in alignment with them and giving your kids permission to do the same.

 

 

What Matters Mondays – September 5, 2016

September 6th, 2016 by admin Leave a Comment

Do you ever try to convince yourself that you shouldn’t need accountability? That you should be able to achieve your goals on your own if you want them bad enough?

I’ve tried to convince myself of that for years and the truth is, for me, it doesn’t work! Accountability works for me! I have this battle in my head sometimes. It’s like the angel on one shoulder is saying you can do this, you are strong, you don’t need anyone but yourself to be accountable to, if you want it bad enough you will make it happen. On the other shoulder is the devil saying, you are never going to do this, you’ve tried a million times and it hasn’t happened, you can’t do it alone, you’re going to suck!

And here’s the thing….they are both right. I am strong, I do want to achieve my goals but sometimes I can’t do it alone. I do my best when I share what I want and I ask my people to hold me accountable. I’m most successful when I ask for what I need.

Several months back, I connected in a mastermind group with four ladies and we just clicked. We all live in different time zones, yet every other week we meet on a Zoom call and we talk business. We talk about where we are at in our individual businesses, and we share aloud the next step that each of us wants to take. The group helps us narrow down a goal or two and we commit to achieving it over the next two weeks. Well I’m going to tell you…this has transformed so much for me. What I realized is that when I speak aloud what I truly want to people I trust, when I know they want that goal for me too and that they will hold me accountable, when I feel supported…ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE. I told them I wanted to write a workbook on values and two weeks later it was in rough draft form, I told them I wanted to hire a VA to help me get my work online and two weeks later I had a VA and was writing my online course, and the list goes on.

I NEED accountability. Not because I’m a slacker (well…maybe a bit) but because it works for me. It works for me to speak my truth. To share my lofty goals. To admit my fears and what is holding me back. To ask for help. To know that I have cheerleaders out there wanting these goals for me too!

A couple weeks ago, I brought this idea to one of my workshops. This is an ongoing group that meets once a month and I shared with them the power of accountability as I had been experiencing it with my mastermind ladies. I then asked them each to choose something they wanted to achieve. We sat around a table and each person shared their “thing” they wanted accountability around. We heard what the goal was, we heard why it mattered and we also heard what kept them from achieving it…it was real and vulnerable and awesome! And in the last few weeks, I have heard from several of them about the amazing steps they are taking to achieve these goals. It makes me so excited for each of them, but it also keeps me working hard to achieve mine. I have never had motivation like I have right now, and it feels so darn good. I know that I can achieve my goals, that I can face my fears…and I don’t have to do it alone! Vulnerability and accountability go hand in hand. When you can share what’s holding you back with someone you trust and let go of the need to do it alone…you can achieve anything you put your mind to! Does accountability work for you? Share below!

 

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What Matters Mondays – August 29, 2016

August 30th, 2016 by admin Leave a Comment

I did an interview a few weeks ago for an upcoming summit called Success Secrets to Parenting Teen Girls. I am so excited for you all to listen to the experts on this summit beginning September 12th! Today I want to share with you one of the points I shared during the summit that I think we need to continue to talk about – IMPERFECTION!

Our kids are struggling with the need to be perfect. They are struggling with this idea that if they look perfect and act perfect that they will avoid criticism, rejection and the feelings of not enough.

I’m going to be really honest with you…I struggled my whole teen and early adult years with perfectionism. It plagued me. It stopped me from tackling things I wasn’t sure I could be perfect at. It prevented me from connection with people that I was afraid might be “better” than me. It kept me armored up so only certain people saw my true, authentic side. It made me feel like a failure.

If you strive to be perfect, you will never win! You will only feel like I did…exhausted and defeated!

So how do we stop this?

The best solution I have is that as parents, we need to do a much better job at modeling imperfection. And I say WE because it is still a conscious practice for me every single day!

In all my years working in schools, when I saw a student struggle with perfection, his/her parent was often struggling with it too. These parents were usually the ones calling to complain about marks, the ones making a big issue because their child wasn’t invited to a birthday party, the ones sitting in the Principal’s office asking if the “other” child was also being suspended, the ones who insisted their child be put in a certain class, the ones doing their child’s grade one project that would hang on the wall in the school (confession: I did this once…it was really awesome, but I fooled no one! lol), the ones getting involved in friendship struggles, the ones bad mouthing the coach who cut their child from the team…the list goes on and on.

The one thing in common…these parents were all afraid to let their children experience disappointment. They were trying to make things perfect. They may have even thought that the issue at hand was a reflection of them.

I want to be very clear that I am not judging any of these parents. Trust me, in any given moment, I can be one of them. I HAVE been one of them.

How do we help our kids embrace imperfection?

First, if we want to help our kids own their whole story…the awesomeness and the struggle…we have to be willing to own our stories. We have to openly talk about our struggles (the ones that are appropriate of course). We have to admit when things don’t work out. We have to let them see and hear our imperfections!

Secondly, we have to circle back (thanks Brené Brown for the term) with people – especially our kids – when we have made a mistake. If I snap at my kids at the end of a busy day, I need to circle back and say, “I’m sorry for snapping earlier. I had a busy day, but that’s no excuse to take it out on you.” What a lesson we teach our kids in this simple act.

Thirdly, we have to LET THEM STRUGGLE! It is so hard to watch your child when they are sad, but it’s in those moments that they are building their resiliency. Rather than fix, solve, blame or get angry…sit with them in the space of the struggle, hear them, really hear them, share stories of similar struggles from your own childhood, let them cry, reassure them that they are loved, let them know you are sorry this didn’t work out like they wanted it to…just don’t try to fix, don’t look for someone to blame…blaming only makes you more mad. It never solves anything!

The fourth point is to teach your child how to be self-compassionate when they are struggling. Put your hand on your heart and say to yourself, “This is hard. Everyone has hard stuff happen. Everyone has moments when things don’t work out. I’m not alone.” And then say, “May I be kind to myself right now.” When either of you are struggling, stop and take a self-compassion break together. When you practice self-compassion, your brain releases oxytocin which makes you feel safe. You have to try this…it is incredible how it works!

Lastly, we have to stop trying to do it all. I remember years ago running my kids to all kinds of programs (even when they didn’t want to go), making homemade cupcakes for school birthdays, insisting on an immaculate house (and yelling at everyone when it wasn’t), always watching what I ate (also known as dieting), going to the gym, working more hours than I was paid for, having play dates…it was exhausting! What I was teaching my kid was that you have to do it all and do it perfectly.

 

If I could turn back time, I would want my teen self to know:

We are ALL imperfect!

Your family & true friends will love you because of your imperfections

It’s okay to admit when you don’t know

You are enough exactly as you are

 

So here it is parents:

Own your story so your kids can too

Circle back when you make a mistake

Let them struggle

Practice self-compassion together

Stop trying to do it all

 

I really hope you check out this FREE summit. I am giving a free offer to those who attend AND…there is a limited time special offer to purchase my new workbook:

“What Matters

Find Your Values,

Live Your Values,

Give Others Permission to do the Same”

 

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What Matters Mondays – August 22, 2016

August 22nd, 2016 by admin Leave a Comment

Some of the greatest conflicts in relationships have to do with values.

What I want and what you want are different and so the battle begins!

I often hear people say, “We don’t have the same values so it won’t work.”

My belief is that you don’t need the same values. You just have to know another person’s values and give them permission to live them. You have to be able to say, “That’s not my value, but I see how important it is to you and that matters to me!”

Let me give you an example:

One of my top values is ORGANIZATION. One of my husband’s values is SPONTANEITY. Are you already feeling the pain?

One day on a beautiful Friday afternoon, my husband called from work and said, “We should go camping! It’s supposed to be such a beautiful weekend!”

My immediate response was, “You mean this weekend? Like today?”

And truly, I was thinking, “Not a chance. We don’t have groceries. None of the bikes are packed. The trailer needs to be cleaned. You are nuts to think this is going to work.”

My husband on the other hand was so enthusiastic about it, telling me how we could make it work.

Now…I stopped to think about which values were colliding and here’s what I realized. We were both trying to live a value. Organization for me, spontaneity for him.  Neither one of us was right or wrong. Neither one of us was the good guy or the bad guy.  We just were going with the pull of our compasses.

If I put my foot down and said it can’t happen…only my value would be honored and his would be stomped on. That’s not who I want to be.

If he said, “I have 12 hotdogs and 12 buns, let’s go,” only his value would be honored and mine would be stomped on. That’s not who he wants to be.

I had to ask for what I needed and it sounded something like this, “You know how important organization is for me. Going camping with no notice stresses me out.  But I also know that spontaneity is important for you, so let’s see if we figure this out.”

His response was, “Tell the boys to load the bikes, you text me a grocery list that I can grab after work, and you clean the trailer. We could leave around supper time.”

I breathed a sigh of relief. Now this worked for me!

We both got our values honored and it didn’t take a fight to get there. It just took me saying, “I get you. I get what matters to you. I see you. Please do the same for me.”

And the best part was….no fight happened! And…we had an awesome weekend!

Can you think of a time when one of your values conflicted with someone else’s?

Did it feel like there could only be one winner? Do you see how stopping to honor both your own and someone else’s value can actually have the best results?

Are you willing to ask for what you need while honoring the other person?

Here are the keys:

Know your own values

Know the values of the people you love and care about

Pay attention to which values tend to collide

Have conversations about them

Ask for what you need while hearing what is needed

It’s that simple –you can both win!

 

My What Matters™ workbook is coming out in September. It has many stories just like this one to help you find and live your values while giving others permission to do the same. Check out my website to order: www.coachonthego.net/shop

 

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What Matters Mondays – August 15, 2016

August 15th, 2016 by admin Leave a Comment

Watching the Olympics is so inspiring…I absolutely love it! I think about the commitments these athletes make to get to where they are in their sports, and I am in absolute awe. Which got me thinking about my own commitments. I’m no Olympian, but I know there are things each day that I wake up and commit to working on. My commitments are my values.

  1. Authenticity – I try to wake up each day and show up as ME. Not a photo shopped version of me….just me. Imperfect, flawed but also awesome!
  2. Balance – I try each day to make time for all the things that matter to me. Not in equal proportions but in a way that makes me feel content.
  3. Connection – I love being connected to people. I love being inspired by like minded people. I like feeling that deep gratitude after a visit or phone call with someone. I need people in my life!
  4. Gratitude – I like to take time each day to practice gratitude. To be grateful for the life I have and for the people that are in it. I practice gratitude daily by writing a thank you card, sending a text or making a phone call to someone who makes my life better by being part of it!
  5. Health – I go to the gym or yoga most days because I want to be healthy and because it feels so darn good when it’s over.
  6. Humor – This past weekend, I spent time with friends who made me laugh until my sides hurt. There is nothing I love more than being surrounded by funny people. And who’s fooling who…I like to be funny too!
  7. Learning – I try to learn something new every day! Being an entrepreneur means I have no choice but to learn each day. I am learning something new every day about how to run a business. I sign up for courses that challenge me and I love it!
  8. Optimism – I choose to wake up each day with a glass half full mentality. Anything is possible is my mantra.
  9. Organization – Living or working in chaos makes my mind chaotic. I don’t need things sparkling, but I am much more productive when things are organized. Just recently I moved my home office upstairs into a room full of sunlight and a view into the farmer’s field. I organized all my books and materials and I think it’s been my most productive week ever! Crazy how a little organization can shake it up!
  10. Understanding – I truly try to live by my own words, “Choose curiosity and compassion over judgment”. I try to understand where someone is coming from rather than judge. I also feel happiest when I am surrounded by those who try to understand me.
  11. Legacy – There is nothing more important to me than being an example to my kids. Not an example of perfection, but an example of real. I do my best every day, but I am not perfect and I need them to see all parts of me…so that they can give themselves permission to be imperfect and awesome too!

I am no Olympian, but I too have commitments each day that help me become the best version of myself that I can. Waking up with the intention to live my values each day is one of the greatest decisions I have ever made!

What are your values that you commit to each day? I’d love to hear!

If you are interested in finding your top 10 values, my NEW workbook called

What Matters?

Find Your Values,

Live Your Values,

Give Others Permission to do the Same

will be available Sept.1st at www.coachonthego.net/shop

 

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What Matters Mondays – August 8, 2016

August 8th, 2016 by admin Leave a Comment

Have you ever felt like a square peg trying to fit into a round hole? Have you ever had moments where you stop and ask yourself why something you used to love doing no longer lights you up? Have you ever found yourself drifting away from certain people in your life and not completely understanding why?

I get it. I’ve been there. I am still there. It’s hard. It doesn’t make sense.

I’ve tried my hardest to ram that square peg into the round hole. If you really work at it, sometimes you can make it happen. But it’s tons of work and the bottom line is…it’s not meant to fit there.

Here’s my key learning from my own experience:

Things happen in our lives that change us. Sometimes they are good things, but often times they are hard things. Some of us experience loss, job changes, divorce, mental health issues, parenting struggles, failures, physical health issues, infidelity, addictions…the list goes on.

When that thing happens, we are changed. When my life was thrown a curve ball, I had no choice but to change. I wasn’t the same person I once was. I re-evaluated life. I reconnected to who I was and realized who I was being was not who I wanted to be. I sat back and reflected. What did I like about who I was showing up as? What did I not like? What led to my curve ball moment? WHO WAS I?

Here’s what I realized. I was not the same person anymore. I will never be the same person. I am changed by what happened. But I do love who I am today. That curve ball was my wake up call. That curve ball made me who I am today.

But I am different.

Some of the people in your life will get it. They will embrace the new you. Some people will struggle with it. Some people won’t get it at all. Some people will be confused when you do things or don’t do things that you used to do. Some people will try to convince you that you want to be that old version of yourself.

What they don’t realize is….that person no longer exists.

That round peg is now a square peg.

It can be hard to exist in the old world as the new you. The world where people had you figured out. Now you are different.

To be honest, being around people I have just met can sometimes feel easier. These people don’t know the old me. These people see the new, different me and that’s all they know. They don’t mourn parts of the old me that are missing today.

What I know is that I have to listen to my heart. I have to make choices that align with my values and the ME I am today. I have to savor and hold close friendships that accept the new me, and allow me to be this “different” version of myself. I have to be authentic and real. I also have to hold compassion for the friends who miss the old me or parts of the old me that no longer exist. Even I struggle with missing parts of me sometimes.

If your life threw you a curve ball and you no longer fit into the square peg, I want you to know…it’s okay. There are enough people in the world for you to re-establish your tribe, to ask for what you need, to align with your values and to be YOU!

Happy Monday you square pegs!

 

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What Matters Mondays – August 1, 2016

August 1st, 2016 by admin Leave a Comment

EXPECT BEAR ENCOUNTERS

That was the sign blinking on the side of the road in Canmore, that was the message on posters in the campground, that was what they were talking about on the radio!

Now this didn’t say: warning, there may be bears.

This said, EXPECT bears!

My first reaction….let’s go home! I’m terrified of bears.

To begin with I found myself a bit paranoid (well actually REALLY paranoid!). Any rustling in the trees made me whip my head around, I wouldn’t go for a run alone, I kept my back to the trailer so no bears could sneak up on me…because I’m pretty sure that’s how they do it right? Lol

And then I started getting used to this thought that bears may come, but I did things anyway. I hiked with friends up Moose Mountain, I went for a few runs with a friend, I stayed alone in camp to read while the boys went riding, I walked back to the trailer in the dark and I NEVER GOT EATEN BY A BEAR!

This got me thinking about fears. Fears keep us from so many things. What if this happens, what if that happens, what if I’m not good enough, what if I fail…the list goes on. It’s no different than the bears. If fear wins, you stay small, and you miss the best opportunities that are right in front of you.

When we were climbing that mountain I was so grateful for the conversation, for the scenery, for the accomplishment. If the bear had won, I would have missed that!

When we went for a run I was grateful to honor my value of health, to run off some of those campfire hotdogs, to chat with a good friend, to explore the area. If the bear had won, I would have missed that!

When I sat and read alone at camp, I relaxed, I gave myself permission to do nothing but read, I got into an amazing book with a great message about finding beauty and gratitude in the small, quiet moments. If the bear had won, I would have missed that!

I think you get the picture. But honestly, how often does FEAR win? For many years, I avoided things I was afraid of. Most of my fears were about failure. If I fail, what will people think? I missed opportunities and I’m regretful. I wish I knew then what I knew now.

Today I know that you can be scared and excited all at the same time. You can push through the fear and be grateful. You can fail, get back up, learn and do it again. You learn some of your greatest lessons through your failures. Life is an amazing opportunity and it’s meant to be lived with our whole hearts. Jump in, be afraid but also be grateful and be brave.

PS. If the sign says EXPECT BEAR ENCOUNTERS….you should still keep your eyes on the bushes just a little bit! Bears are big and scary and dangerous!

 

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What Matters Mondays – July 18, 2016

July 28th, 2016 by admin Leave a Comment

Do you ever do things that you don’t enjoy doing just because you have always done them? For me, that was running. Since I was in my early 20’s, I was a runner. I ran 5km, 10km, ½ marathons, full marathons, the Death Race, even two legs of the Death Race one year before I was honest with myself. I don’t like running!

So about two years ago, I quit running. I still like being fit & healthy, but going for long runs no longer filled me up. I ran because I felt like I had to.

When I quit running and chose Orange Theory and yoga instead, the reaction from some people was hilarious. It went something like this.

Friend: “You want to run this weekend?”

Me: “No.”

Friend: “Next week?”

Me: “No.”

Friend: “Why?”

Me: “Because I don’t like running.”

Friend: laughs

Friend: “Seriously, when can you run?”

Me: “Never. I don’t like running.”

Insert long pause and confusion here.

 

That was about two years ago.

Last night I realized something…I do like running. I just don’t like competition. I don’t like expectation. I don’t like “shoulds” and “supposed to’s”.

So much of my previous running was preparing for and entering races. I put expectations on myself. I had to finish in this time. I had to climb that hill without stopping. I had to improve my time on this race. I had to run for at least one hour if not several hours. I had to keep up with running partner. It took all of the fun out of it!

Last night, I went to watch my son’s baseball game and a group of the moms were going out to run 5km before the game. They asked me if I wanted to come. Initially I hesitated…thinking, “I don’t run anymore.” But they said they ran for fun, they took breaks, they did it for the social part…and because one of the mom’s daughters (who just finished grade 2) was coming with us. So I chose to join them.

We ran 5km. We talked. We laughed. And mostly, I was so inspired by the enthusiasm of young Megan (who kicked our butts…this girl can run!). She was so happy and positive. I loved every minute of it! When we got back to the ball game, I was so grateful that I went. I truly enjoyed every step of the run.

Here’s what I learned last night:

  • I can run any distance I want. I don’t have to run an hour or more for it to feel worth it!
  • Running for social enjoyment and nothing else is what I want to do.
  • I will run when I want to…never because I have to.
  • I will only run when I can bring the same enthusiasm to it that Megan had.

Am I a runner? Not really. Do I value health…absolutely. Health is one of my top 10 values. So I will continue to choose things that honor health, but also honor ME and what matters to me!

It’s okay when something you thought you loved fades…it opens space for new things or new ways to look at things.

Are there things that you do that you no longer love? Are there things you need to say yes to or no to? Do you need to redefine the boundaries around things you do?

Do you need to bring Megan’s enthusiasm to the things you choose to do?

 

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What Matters Mondays – July 11, 2016

July 28th, 2016 by admin Leave a Comment

So many people are uncomfortable with other people’s discomfort. Last week, I had a tough week. I had to say goodbye to our exchange student who has been here for one year. Throughout the week, as it got closer to her leaving date, I noticed my sadness creep in. I would cry at the thought of it, and I would cry if people asked me about it. And that’s who I am. If I feel sad…I cry! I can’t help it! I’m the person who cries at commercials on TV too!

Here’s the part that challenges me…

When people saw me cry, heard me talk about it or post about it, the first reaction I got most often was, “Don’t be sad.” And then it was followed by things like, “Be grateful,” or “It was such a great year.”

Here’s what I know…

I am grateful. I am incredibly grateful that I got to know her like I did. And…it was a great year. In fact, it was a FANTASTIC year. But that doesn’t mean I don’t get to feel sad. That doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt.

What I know is that people don’t like to see others in discomfort. They want to say things to take the hurt away. They want to say things to make you smile again. They want you to be okay. Those are all awesome, and I love the people who want those for me, but for me, I need to feel the sadness too!

I need to cry. I need to say I’m sad. I need to feel the uncomfortable feelings as much as I feel the happy, grateful ones. And there is nothing wrong with that!

We are in a world where suck it up, push through, you got this, toughen up are expectations we put on ourselves.

Vulnerability is where we allow ourselves to expose our emotions. And it scares the crap out of many people.

The trick is to figure out how to be with someone when they are being vulnerable. How to be with someone when they are in discomfort.

We want to fill the space.

We want to talk.

We want to fix.

We want to make them feel better.

But the truth is, we need someone who will sit with us in the space of the discomfort. Someone who will say, “I’m sorry this is so hard/sad.” Someone who will sit and not talk but just be with us. Someone who will ask if we need a hug. Someone who will love us not despite our vulnerabilities, but because of them.

We all handle emotional situations differently. But I know, feeling your emotions rather than stuffing them down or armoring up and pretending they aren’t there is necessary. We need to feel the tough stuff, and we need to be the person who allows those we love to be in discomfort. It’ll pass, but being surrounded by people who allow for the tough emotions is the best feeling in the world.

 

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What Matters Mondays – July 4, 2016

July 5th, 2016 by admin Leave a Comment

Are you or have you ever struggled with what your purpose is? For me, I used to think my purpose and my roles were one in the same. I thought my purpose was a mom, wife, teacher, life coach…etc. But I was so wrong. My purpose has always been part of me. Long before I was a mom, wife, teacher or life coach. In order to have a meaningful life, it’s important to get connected to your purpose.

Your purpose is the best part of you. The part you love being. The part that lights you up. The part that makes others want to be around you.

Your purpose is WHY YOU ARE HERE….you are meant to share it with the world!

Try this exercise…

  1. Make a list of all the things someone might say about you if they were writing your eulogy or a speech about you. What makes people drawn to you? How would they describe you?
  2. Check your ego as you write this list. It’ll try to convince you of what to put or not put on the list. Listen to your heart. Trust that it knows. Write every word that comes to mind.
  3. Once your list is done, read over all the words and let them sink in.
  4. Leave the list for a bit and go do something else.
  5. Come back to the list and read it again.
  6. Look for 2-3 words that stand out to you. Star them. Who do you love being? What lights you up when you are being it?
  7. Once you have found your 2-3 words, you have found your purpose.

 

EXAMPLE: This is my list (* ones are my purpose)

Leader

Funny*

Motivating

Teacher

Shy

Passionate

Competitive

Athletic

Good listener

Empathetic

Responsible

Determined

Optimistic*

Smart

Sensitive

 

My purpose in life is to bring optimism and laughter to those around me. When I got really clear about my purpose about 5 years ago…it was awesome and a relief all at the same time. I didn’t have to be superwoman and show up differently based on where I was and what my role was. I got to show up with two things and that was enough! If I can show up with laughter and optimism to every part of my life no matter what my role is…everyone wins! And it feels damn good!

 

I did this with my boys about 3 years ago and here are their words:

Nolan – leadership, encouragement, authenticity

Spencer – kindness, laughter, adventure

*It’s crazy to watch them and see that these traits have always been part of who they are and continue to be today!

I’d love to hear what your life purpose is. Please share below.

 

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